Reflections: God's Perfect Timing

So...I thought I'd start out 2012 & my first blog post by sharing how God has worked in our lives over the past few years.   We are thrilled to be a family of five...but it has been a journey to get to this point.  Psalm 40 verses 1 & 3 say "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him." My hope is that this post might be a testimony of God's faithfulness in our lives and an encouragement to someone else who may be going through a struggle of their own.

First of all I am a planner...I had a pretty specific idea of how I wanted my future to unfold, especially when it came to how many kids I wanted & how far apart in age I wanted them to be.  Pretty soon after I was married, I came down with baby fever...I already had a puppy, our boxer, Duke, which Jason had given to me as a birthday gift.  So, one evening after work my unsuspecting hubby came home to a new addition...a cute little grey kitten that I adopted from one of my home health patients, Duchess, our "trailer park kitty" as I call her.  That took care of my 'itch' for about a year, but then I began talking Jason into moving up our 2 yr baby plan to a 1 yr :)  He reluctanly agreed, rationalizing it with the fact that he wanted to be able to retire before he was 70, so since we wanted 3 kids, we might as well get this show on the road!  Anyway- I got pregnant immeiately and nine pretty easy months later, I gave birth to the daughter I always wanted.  My life was full and happy.  And right on schedule, two yrs later, the fever returned!  We began trying for baby #2 in Jan '09.  I got pregnant a few months later, but ended up having a miscarriage in July.  I was heartbroken, but was soon ready to start trying again.  However, this time around I just couldn't seem to get pregnant.  After about 9 months we went to see my Dr and by this point the stress of the situation was beginning to build up.  I began to worry about how much time was going by and if Kate would ever have a sibling to grow up with.  Time continued to pass, and I grew angry at God because I felt he had called me to motherhood.  But as this trial continued I realized that He might have a purpose in allowing me to go though this.  I began to spend more time in his Word and every verse or passage I came across pointed me to "waiting" on God's timing.  I read the story of Lazarus' death in John 11 where Martha asked Jesus to come quickly while Lazarus was still sick.  But instead Jesus waited 3 days, so God's glory could be revealed by raising him from the dead.  I began to see that the Lord sometimes has a greater purpose that we can't always understand at the time.  Another verse I came across during one of my quiet times was Duet 8:2; it reminded the Israelites of how God allowed them to wander in the desert ("waiting" for the promised land) for 40 years in order to humble them and to test what was truly in their hearts.  I began to realize that what was in my heart was not so pretty. I was obsessed with MY life plan and I certainly wasn't appreciating the blessings God had already given to me: a wonderful husband and daughter.  That was a turning point for me.

We'd been seeing a Dr who could not seem to find any problems, other than the fact that my body wasn't ovulating.  So I began taking medicine to help remedy that, but as a side effect, the meds caused benign cysts to form on my ovaries which ironically continued to prevent ovulation.  It was a frustrating time and by the end of 2010 we decided to take a break over the holidays. I was getting to the point of giving up & moving on.  I was ready to start the adoption process, feeling that maybe that's what God wanted us to do.  But we prayed about it and decided to try one more time.  Our church- Seacoast- was doing a 21 day fast to start out the new year and we decided to fast television instead of food...because if you know my husband, you know he's a bit of an exercise addict & runs about 6-7 miles a day :) ...and going on a food fast would be impossible for him!  So instead of crashing on the couch in front of the tube each evening like usual, Jason & I spent time reading, praying and doing a devotional together.  One night I read about how God provided manna for the Israelites after they fled from Egypt, but He only provided enough for one day at a time...they couldn't stock up on it.  I realized it was the same concept with God's strength and grace- I couldn't stock up on it, I needed to go to Him daily to make it through.  By the end of January 2011, we were at the point of 'waiting' to find out if I was pregnant or not, and God directed me to Psalm 77:13-14: "Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." I wrote this verse on our bathroom mirror and it was our theme verse!  When we found out we were pregnant with not only one but TWO precious babies, we knew God had performed a miracle!!! 

Looking back, this two year trial was very difficult, but it really strengthened our faith and changed my perspective on the fact that I am not the one in control of my life...God is, and that is a good thing!  Many friends and family were praying for us through this time, and God honored their prayers...James 5:16 says the prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective & we are a living testimony to that truth!

Once I got pregnant, it was another trial in and of itself...but that story is for another blog post!  Thanks for reading!!!  To God be the Glory!