Reflections part 2: God's Faithfulness!

"Seeds of faith are always within us; sometimes it takes a crisis to nourish and encourage their growth." -Susan L. Taylor-

Just in case anyone was wondering...this is the story of my pregnancy and how our sweet twins ended up safely in our arms! It is truly a testimony of God's faithfulness!
We had a very special Valentine's Day in 2011...that was the day I had a blood test to confirm that I was pregnant!  It was very exciting, but still in the back of my mind I worried about having another miscarriage so I tried not to get my hopes up too much.  However, on the last day in Feb when I was 6 wks along I had an ultrasound- and sure enough there were TWO little embryonic sacs!  What a happy surprise :) 

At first my poor hubby was in shock & couldn't get up from his chair in the ultrasound room...but slowly the news began to sink in & we were thrilled to be on this new and exciting journey!
I was very sick from about mid wk 6 all the way through 16 weeks.  I threw up AT LEAST every other day, however, I knew this was a good sign of healthy babies so I tried to take it in stride!

Here is a pic of me at 16 wks :)

I felt great from weeks 17-20 and was enjoying being pregnant.  I had my "big" 20 wk ultrasound and we found out that we were having 2 boys!  At first, Kate was less than thrilled about having two brothers...tears were shed, she cried and told us "but, I want a girl to play with!" She also assured me that she was NOT going to help me take care of a boy baby! Ha!  (Thankfully she got over that and loves her brothers very much now!)
Anyway- At this appointment along with all the measurements of the babies, they also checked the length of my cervix and it was 40mm, which was great.  I was having a picture perfect pregnancy without complications or so it seemed. 
During the next few weeks, I really began "growing" and along with that, experiencing some pressure & Braxton Hicks contractions.  I honestly thought it was probably normal for a twin pregnancy and didn't think too much about it.  June 29th was my 23 wk appt. I had still been feeling uncomfortable and was beginning to worry a little bit, so I asked my Dr about it.  He assured me things were most likely fine since I had a normal first pregnancy, but I still felt concern and asked for a cervial length ultrasound just to put my mind at ease.  The ultrasound tech wasn't there that day so he scheduled it for the following morning. 
I had plans that next day to go shopping with my mother in law and her twin sister for 'baby stuff" (fun!) so they came in town and after going to a few stores they dropped me at my Dr appt and went to pick up Kate from preschool.  While I was in the waiting room, I was reading the "Daily Bread" devotion from my phone, and the verses for the day were from Roman 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope."  I remember thinking "I hope I'm not reading this for a reason...I seriously don't think I could persevere through bedrest."  Ha, little did I know! 
The ultrasound tech asked why I was getting a cervical check at this point in my pregnancy because it wasn't something they normally order.  I told her I asked for it and when she looked at the screen, she said "Well, your instincts were right; your cervix is down to 12mm!"  WHOA!  I almost started crying right then, but managed to control myself until I saw the doctor.  She was very concerned and wanted to send me over to Maternal-Fetal Medicine immediately to see Dr Troffater, one of the specialists.  She said he was the best and by God's grace he was actually working and in the office that day.  Jason was with me, and beacuse his mom & aunt were in town (praise God!) they were able to keep Kate. The MFM office was connected to Greenville Hospital on the other side of town.  We arrived and were taken back to another ultrasound room.  The tech there looked at the screen and said "Well it looks like you have 3-4mm of cervix left"...WHAT?!!!  I began crying uncontrollably which seemed to increase my contractions. Dr Trofatter came in and said I needed a cerclage (a stitch to hold my cervix closed) and that he would admit me to the hospital and do the surgery the next morning.  In fact, they brought in a wheelchair and wheeled me over immediately. (*Now let me clarify that most doctors would not even attempt a cerclage in this situation, but like I said Dr Troffater IS the best.  He was even nicknamed "The King of Cerclages!" What a blessing it was to have this doctor in town and available)
A whirlwind of unexpected events had just occured within a few hours and I was scared to death.  First of all I had never had surgery before in my life.  Second of all, a significant risk of doing this procedure was that my bag of waters could rupture and I could go into labor, and of course if I didn't have it done I would most likely deliver 24 week babies that may not even survive. 
Word traveled quickly and several friends from church came to see me in the hospital praying with me & offering words of encouragement.  The next morning, I went to the OR for the cerclage at 6am.  I was fearful and praying for the safety of my babies constantly.  The crazy thing is that I was awake the whole time.  I had a spinal but wasn't sedated.  My mind was running in circles.  The only thing that I could think of was a song from one of Kate's bible music CD's that went "When I am afraid I will trust in you, in Him whose Word I praise" I could not tell what was going on, but I kept singing that song over and over in my head. 
After it was done Dr Trofatter told me that he WAS able to get the cerclage in, but that he had to put in two stitches to hold it in place...AND that my cervix was very soft (not a good thing)...AND that I was already dilated 2cm...AND that my bag of waters had been protruding thru!!!  Truly, it was a MIRACLE that he was able to successfully accomplish this procedure on me! The Lord had heard the many prayers lifted up from friends and family and protected my sweet babies and me! 
The next two weeks I had to stay on strict bedrest...the 4 walls of my bedroom were closing in on me and I was on the verge of tears almost every moment of the day. 

But I followed the Dr's orders because of these sweet babies in my womb.

(Asher on the left, Noah on the right)

After the first two weeks, I had follow up visits and it looked like the cerclage was going to hold, but I still had to stay on modified bedrest, meaning I could come downstairs every day and sit at the table for meals and occasionally go out to dinner.  But this was still very limiting, and I wasn't able to care for Kate like she needed me to, so my sweet sweet mother in law basically moved up here to help me.  I am SO thankful for her sacrifice even though it was hard for me to let go of running my own household...I knew it was just for a season and was the most important thing I could do for my boys.  She did a GREAT job caring for Kate (and me!) and she kept my pantry stocked & my house cleaner than it's ever been!  My awesome church family also reached out and brought meals twice a week for 2 months!  My mom's bible study group offered to pick up Kate for playdates and came to visit so I didn't go stir-crazy.  I felt a great deal of support and was so blessed by everyone's kindness. Time marched on!  Here is a pic from my bedrest days!

 
I made it to more and more milestones and finally to 36 weeks when they took out my cerclage.  I expected to go into labor pretty immediately...but no...I walked around 4 cm dilated for two weeks!  I was so miserable at that point.  I went in for my last check-up the day before my scheduled C-section at 38 wks.  I was 5 cm dilated and having some contractions.  Thankfully my Dr said he would go ahead and send me to the hospital.  I was thrilled even though it was just one day early! 

Here is a photo of me right before leaving for the hospital that afternoon...I know!  I was super humongous!  You can laugh! :)

The C-section went perfectly, even though it was a MUCH tougher recovery than the regular delivery I had with Kate. I cried tears of joy when I first layed eyes on my BIG and beautiful baby boys who weighed in at 6lb 6oz & 6lb 12oz! They truly are miracle babies in our book! 

In short, God faithfully protected me & our babies throughout my pregnancy...He gave me the intuition that something was wrong just in the nick of time, He provided a wonderful doctor to perform a difficult procedure, and used friends and family to show His love during an emotional and uncertain situation.

Here we are- finally a Family of Five! :)

Reflections: God's Perfect Timing

So...I thought I'd start out 2012 & my first blog post by sharing how God has worked in our lives over the past few years.   We are thrilled to be a family of five...but it has been a journey to get to this point.  Psalm 40 verses 1 & 3 say "I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him." My hope is that this post might be a testimony of God's faithfulness in our lives and an encouragement to someone else who may be going through a struggle of their own.

First of all I am a planner...I had a pretty specific idea of how I wanted my future to unfold, especially when it came to how many kids I wanted & how far apart in age I wanted them to be.  Pretty soon after I was married, I came down with baby fever...I already had a puppy, our boxer, Duke, which Jason had given to me as a birthday gift.  So, one evening after work my unsuspecting hubby came home to a new addition...a cute little grey kitten that I adopted from one of my home health patients, Duchess, our "trailer park kitty" as I call her.  That took care of my 'itch' for about a year, but then I began talking Jason into moving up our 2 yr baby plan to a 1 yr :)  He reluctanly agreed, rationalizing it with the fact that he wanted to be able to retire before he was 70, so since we wanted 3 kids, we might as well get this show on the road!  Anyway- I got pregnant immeiately and nine pretty easy months later, I gave birth to the daughter I always wanted.  My life was full and happy.  And right on schedule, two yrs later, the fever returned!  We began trying for baby #2 in Jan '09.  I got pregnant a few months later, but ended up having a miscarriage in July.  I was heartbroken, but was soon ready to start trying again.  However, this time around I just couldn't seem to get pregnant.  After about 9 months we went to see my Dr and by this point the stress of the situation was beginning to build up.  I began to worry about how much time was going by and if Kate would ever have a sibling to grow up with.  Time continued to pass, and I grew angry at God because I felt he had called me to motherhood.  But as this trial continued I realized that He might have a purpose in allowing me to go though this.  I began to spend more time in his Word and every verse or passage I came across pointed me to "waiting" on God's timing.  I read the story of Lazarus' death in John 11 where Martha asked Jesus to come quickly while Lazarus was still sick.  But instead Jesus waited 3 days, so God's glory could be revealed by raising him from the dead.  I began to see that the Lord sometimes has a greater purpose that we can't always understand at the time.  Another verse I came across during one of my quiet times was Duet 8:2; it reminded the Israelites of how God allowed them to wander in the desert ("waiting" for the promised land) for 40 years in order to humble them and to test what was truly in their hearts.  I began to realize that what was in my heart was not so pretty. I was obsessed with MY life plan and I certainly wasn't appreciating the blessings God had already given to me: a wonderful husband and daughter.  That was a turning point for me.

We'd been seeing a Dr who could not seem to find any problems, other than the fact that my body wasn't ovulating.  So I began taking medicine to help remedy that, but as a side effect, the meds caused benign cysts to form on my ovaries which ironically continued to prevent ovulation.  It was a frustrating time and by the end of 2010 we decided to take a break over the holidays. I was getting to the point of giving up & moving on.  I was ready to start the adoption process, feeling that maybe that's what God wanted us to do.  But we prayed about it and decided to try one more time.  Our church- Seacoast- was doing a 21 day fast to start out the new year and we decided to fast television instead of food...because if you know my husband, you know he's a bit of an exercise addict & runs about 6-7 miles a day :) ...and going on a food fast would be impossible for him!  So instead of crashing on the couch in front of the tube each evening like usual, Jason & I spent time reading, praying and doing a devotional together.  One night I read about how God provided manna for the Israelites after they fled from Egypt, but He only provided enough for one day at a time...they couldn't stock up on it.  I realized it was the same concept with God's strength and grace- I couldn't stock up on it, I needed to go to Him daily to make it through.  By the end of January 2011, we were at the point of 'waiting' to find out if I was pregnant or not, and God directed me to Psalm 77:13-14: "Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples." I wrote this verse on our bathroom mirror and it was our theme verse!  When we found out we were pregnant with not only one but TWO precious babies, we knew God had performed a miracle!!! 

Looking back, this two year trial was very difficult, but it really strengthened our faith and changed my perspective on the fact that I am not the one in control of my life...God is, and that is a good thing!  Many friends and family were praying for us through this time, and God honored their prayers...James 5:16 says the prayers of a righteous person are powerful and effective & we are a living testimony to that truth!

Once I got pregnant, it was another trial in and of itself...but that story is for another blog post!  Thanks for reading!!!  To God be the Glory!